Every relationship goes through ups & downs. Every couple HAS to argue for the sake of a healthy relationship. But I feel like we make too many mistakes while doing that. We turn that supposed-to-be helpful argument into a fight. Later snowballing into a toxic relationship. We hurt each other, saying things we don’t necessarily mean and we end up regretting it big time. There’s NO winning party in all of this.
This why you need this relationships advice, because we’re not perfect and everything can be learned in some way.
You need to stop that right? But it’s the anger that causes you guys to behave in an unlikely way! It’s like all that love and appreciation you have for each other vanishes at that moment, and you both end up hurt, broken and even angrier than before. T Swift’s songs are a perfect example of how this feels.
Here’s our relationship advice: stop doing these 7 things, because they’re probably the cause of your arguments
- Bringing-up previous misbehaviors
While it’s easy to lose control during an argument, it’s important to not fall into the trap of calling out past mistakes. Marriage counselors can’t stress this relationship advice enough: Talking about yesterday’s long-forgotten problems is not going to help in solving today’s issues.
Imagine having an issue, fighting about it, and finally moving on from it. But then one day, your partner revives the problem, hinting that they’ll never forget that mistake. You feel like you’re caught in a vicious cycle. It’s never gonna end, and no one is benefiting from that believe me.
When you find yourself in a situation like that, first you need to calm down, then help your partner to focus on the current issue, because that’s the one that started the argument, and that’s most probably a more urgent one for your relationship.
2. Listening to “clap back” instead of to understand
You’re furious, irritated, how could they say something like that! Now you don’t even remember why you’re fighting anymore. It’s just a repeating sequence of accusations. “YOU SAID THAT”…”YOU DID THAT” … well you get the picture.
Take a deep breath, hear out what your significant other has to say. Put your feelings of anger aside, and analyze what they’re saying. Remember you are in a relationship, so be objective and keep the conversation going, point by point, one issue at a time.
Listen to them like you mean it!
3. “Too many cooks spoil the broth”
In other words, having too many people actively intervening and giving opinions on your relationship issues. Your friends, family members, colleagues, and social media friends are NOT part of your romantic life. Only you two are concerned, and it’s up to you two to solve your problems. Don’t make the mistake of bringing in a “judge” to say who’s wrong and who’s right.
Sure, it can help you to discuss an issue with a third party that is close to you. They might give you good relationship advice. But if the circle grows, the problems grow as well. Keep you & your partner’s personal and intimate issues private. That’s the ultimate secret for a long-lasting, healthy relationship.
4. Expecting them to read your mind
Please, always remember that the other person is not psychic ( they might be tho ). Unless you clearly say that you have a problem with so and so, or you’re feeling a certain way, don’t expect them to figure it out on their own. Or even worse, don’t give them “signs” and claim later that they didn’t care about your feelings and opinions.
If you’re feeling a certain way say it! You could say it in a kind, un-hurtful way. It could even help you prevent some potential issues.
5. Expecting to be the person’s everything
One of the reasons you’ve fallen for them in the first place, is that they feel like a best friend, a family member AND a boyfriend/girlfriend to you.
BUT, here’s one golden piece of relationship advice you can take from me. You shouldn’t expect each other to not need other people in your lives. They might prefer talking to their best friend about something instead of telling you. And that’s totally okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re not as special to them, or a plan B. It might start off as an innocent state of being needy towards your loved one, but it might turn into controlling them and behaving obsessively without you even realizing it.
Give this a read to understand more.
6. Trying to hurt them back
Hurting people is bad. But hurting people back is worse. Giving them a taste of their own medicine is not gonna heal your wound. It’ll only result in another hurtful behavior from them, and you guys are eventually going to get tired from that.
It’s better to just stop the conversation right there, until both of you are in a calmer state. If they are considerate enough they will probably apologize for saying/doing something like that. But even if they don’t, make sure to bring to their attention that you were negatively affected by their words or actions.
7. Losing the team mindset
You’re suddenly becoming enemies??! You TOTALLY strayed away from the right path. The whole point of your relationship is lost because now you’re keeping count of who’s hurting the other more. While you should be on each other’s side, you know, you two against the world <3.
Or, if none of these seems to be the issue for you, maybe it’s because of your star signs you never know. here, check this out.
No relationship is perfect. But you should always think of it as a win-win situation. Nobody is winning, unless both are winning, right?